As you might know every year we decide on a theme and then see what shows up.
I’ve done it for years and without exception it’s always brought surprises. Usually, the type that has me pull my “don’t like it” face.
That’s the beauty of them though. You innocently choose LOVE thinking it will mean that it flows beautifully into your world filling you up from the inside. Instead, life brings you a line of people, events and feelings (and more) that you most certainly DO NOT love. Thick and fast, ready and waiting for you to dig in to, so you can discover more of HOW to love. Doh.
2021’s theme is LOVING SURRENDER and as my awesome Co-leader said at the time – “you picked a doozy” (she once picked 10x as her theme and I’m still recovering).
She wasn’t wrong. For a zillion reasons. I had fully expected my end of year blog to be all about it and I notice that right now, truthfully, with more than a little tiredness running through my system, I’m not ready. Seems the theme has given me another last minute opportunity to surrender my “this is the way it should be” tendency. That’s no small thing. Danielle offered “make it easy, write a lovely Santa message”. My face (once again) said it all.
I want to share this instead.
13 insights that literally have stopped me in my tracks this year. Let me be clear – these aren’t “quotes” which often leave me a little “meh”. These have been so big for me that I’m still rumbling with them. Several have been with me for years and yet now I have accessed a new depth of understanding.
1. When all your free time is spent catching up or getting ahead, it’s not free time at all. I actively manage “free” out of my life.
2. Unproductive fun makes me feel very uncomfortable. I wasn’t taught how to play – even knowing that explains a lot.
3. Loyalty can be an Achilles heel – it has me endlessly look for ways I can accommodate something or someone that I already know isn’t wholly ok for me.
4. Truth is the only thing that truly matters to me. When I speak from there, it’s like I’m plugged into a Life force.
5. I’m willing to burn up anything that I know doesn’t serve me. Anything. The depth of that commitment still shocks me. And others too. It also doesn’t mean I always know “how”, that it is easy or automatic.
6. Being kind is more important to me than being right. Yet the pull to prove, tell, speak can be strong. One connects me with my heart. The other is always from my head. This builds on my 2020 insight of I can be right or I can be married. Link below.
7. There is a big difference between knowing the path and walking it. I know the difference yet can still pretend I don’t and choose comfort over courage. Let me be clear again – I do know.
8. I am a recovering addict; yes really. The definition of an addiction; any behaviour that a person finds temporary pleasure or relief in and therefore craves, suffers negative consequences from, and has trouble giving up. My master addiction is control. It has been work and perfectionism. (See now how the 2021 theme was already going to be fun….?)
9. Grief may well come in waves. It also only happens when you allow yourself to access it – or know how to. It took me 39 years to meet the grief for my birth Dad. It was shocking, liberating, and also helped me access a previously unknown emotion; rage.
10. When considering a new opportunity or a request, my default setting is one of time. It rarely crosses my mind to truthfully ask “do I have the INTERNAL capacity?”. That’s the fast path to creating a to do list that will always trump my energy.
11. As children, our parents hurt us – they (mostly) don’t mean to and still it happens. We see them as people who should have known better. How arrogant and convenient when simultaneously, even as adults, we are making our own mistakes.
12. Children don’t get traumatised because they get hurt – they get traumatised because they were left alone with their hurt. Read that again. It’s why loneliness is a visceral experience for me. I spent years disconnected from myself.
13. When someone shows you who they are and where they are at – believe them. Always. The alternative is self-betrayal and that has the capacity to hurt way more than anything outside of you.
As you read these, there may be a part of you that wants me to share more. I get that. It’s also intentional. Let me add this bonus one; Wisdom and Knowledge are different things. Entirely different things. So my ask of you is that you find YOUR wisdom not be led by mine.
I’m aware each one of these has the potential to re-write an inner story or belief system. If I let it. In many ways they already have.
Maybe I’ve done better at Surrender than I thought especially given ALL stories and belief are made up.
The “Loving It” was perhaps a step too far. Tee hee.
Another remarkable year,
Let’s create your remarkable life.
Nic x
PS If you’re wondering, yep I’m going again. 2022 True surrender here we come.
PPS and you might like the gifts I discovered last year too: https://www.remarkablewomen.co.uk/2020-a-year-of-gifts/
Thanks for the insights Nic. Beautifully narrated. It’s got me curious. No 12 I read several times and it’s triggered thoughts. Thank you for being who you are. It’s an interesting reflection for me, that I always try to surrender to you, safe haven. ♥️