A Daring New Game

what needs to die this year

Recently I’ve been playing a daring new game both with myself and my clients. It’s starts with a question.

What needs to die this year?

Yes, one of those questions. Where people shuffle uncomfortably in their chair and hope that you’re going to fill the space. I don’t. There’s often real magic when we stop talking.

Let me explain.

We’re just about to get to the end of another year. A bundle of 365 days that have whooshed past. Where they did they go? What did you do with them all? Even more surprising they mark the end of a whole decade. That’s right. It’s going to a whole 20 years since the millennium madness. No, I’ve no idea how that happened either.

What I do know is that despite time moving on, many of us are still holding on to our old identities, patterns, beliefs.

We want to think we’re changing and certainly our appearance might be. Yet we’re not actively upgrading, choosing who we now are or want to be. Instead, it seems easier to carry it all forward rather than declaring it as old, complete or even dead. It’s funny really when many of us are so bored of our own stories and yet ache longingly for change. Whilst still choosing not to.

So what if we did?

As you read this, what if you simply decided that the way you’ve done something up to now, is finished.

It’s so over, you declare it at dead. Yes, I’m aware that’s a big word with a lot of meaning. It’s why it’s so powerful. When that word gets involved, the whole game changes. You can’t go back, there’s no normal. You get to create a new one.

Before you even start to think ‘it can’t be as easy as that” or “I cant..” look at that. Those stories just about to trip you up, lurking in the background. Probably been doing that for a while right? I’m simply asking you to experiment with a new way of thinking and to go bold. To be open to the idea that you’ve had the full on technicolour experience of being someone who does something one way. You know it inside out, back to front. Jeez you could teach it to someone else. Wouldn’t it be interesting to now whole heartedly play with a different one? To see what this decade could look like..

I did this once with alcohol. I was never a big drinker. It wasn’t really my thing. Still I had my fair share of daft nights out and in too sometimes. It helped me unwind or switch off and I believed it made me more sociable.

When I started my mastery to become a monk, I noticed that actually it really wasn’t my thing anymore. It affected my sleep and the quality of my meditations the day after. Yet I still accepted a drink. Until I didn’t. One day I just decided I didn’t drink anymore. It wasn’t a big thing – I just knew I was done. I wanted connection and clarity more than I wanted a gin. So, when it was offered, I said no and chose what I did want instead.

I didn’t make an announcement or become born again about it. It was a simple internal choice. The chapter of my life where I drink is over, dead, done.

A funny thing happened.

When asked; I was clear. I wasn’t open to persuasion because I wasn’t giving anything up. I’d already had all the experience of it I wanted. I was simply choosing a new experience – that of someone who didn’t drink, who asked for what she wanted rather than fitting in, who woke up early, fresh and happy with her choices. I wasn’t half assed, I was all in. The game changed. A new Nic emerged.

That’s the power of the question.

YOU get to decide.

What stories, beliefs, behaviours need to “die” for a new version of you to emerge?

No new year’s resolutions you’ll keep (or not) for a few weeks.

No goals.

One powerful active choice or choices.

A new identity.

From there; you create a whole new life.

For 2020.


I wonder what could be possible?

This chapter is Dead My new choice
Being nice I choose Truth
Hard, complicated, over engineered I choose easy, simple, clear.
Helping I choose profound service.
Fear and comfort I choose Courage.
Hiding I choose vulnerability and growth.
Compliant I choose bold.
Follower I choose Leader.
Scared, insecure I choose brave.
Victim/princess/warrioress I choose Queen.
Coffee I choose hydration.
TV I choose connection.
Knower I choose to be a learner.
Busy I choose boldly claimed space and clear boundaries.
Not enough-ness I choose that I AM enough.
Overwhelmed I choose grounded, small steps.
Guilt I choose to honour my choices and my humanness.
Rule follower I choose to be a Creator.
Starting I choose few, with ALL IN commitment to completing.
Procrastinator/last minute I choose focus and the joy of early completion.
Endless tasks and email I choose agreements and impact.
Criticism and judgement I choose acceptance, forgiveness and love.
Inconsistency I choose atomic habits and systems.
Incessant Doing I choose to breathe and simply Be.
Talking action I choose taking Action
Comparison I choose to own my own Path.
Perfection and stagnation I choose creativity and momentum.
Tried, tested, safe I choose innocence and discovery.
Me I choose Us.
Him, them I choose Me first. In service.
Cautious and caged I choose open, loving, connection.
I don’t know I choose to believe I do know.
The belief that I can’t I choose to know that I can.
Obligation and duty (must’s and should’s) I choose Me, the power of MY Choice. And I choose FUN.
Limitations I choose endless possibilities
Shame I choose to speak and own my stories.
My story about my divorce I choose healing with an open heart
Powerless I choose power within.
Endless weariness I choose to listen to my body and honour it with rest and nourishment.
Blame I choose ownership.
Over-thinking, ruminating I choose to stop, breathe and focus.
People pleasing I choose healthy boundaries with love.
Possessions I choose experience.
Emails I choose connection.
Plans I choose decisions.
Expectations I choose powerful agreements.
Carrying, taking responsibility for I choose to empower and to lead.
Control I choose trust.
Neediness I choose to back myself and my own resourcefulness.
Sadness, memories I choose love and integration.
Knowledge I choose wisdom
Resistance, fixing and “improving” I choose to love what is.
Ego I choose impact.
Distracted, caught in the past or the future I choose to be present. Here. Now.
Chocolate and dairy I still choose chocolate and dairy. For now J.

Big love


3 thoughts on “A Daring New Game”

    1. Its a fun game – once you start to see that actually you can decide for ANYTHING to be simply DONE, it makes it so much easier.
      A wise person once said to me that the hardest thing is playing with 99% commitment. Once you say 100%, you don’t need to reply on willpower, its OVER!

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