“AARGH. It doesn’t matter what I say or do, I can’t commit to ANYTHING!’.
That old chestnut.
It’s been coming up A LOT recently.
‘I need a plan that’s so rock solid I won’t deviate from it.’
‘Can you tell me why when I really want to do something, I just don’t?’
‘I am SO BAD AT THIS. Don’t believe me? Here are ALL my stories’.
Rightio. I believe you.
Here come my top commitment tips.
Before I do. Let’s talk about this.
Notice how the word COMMITMENT affects you. How it makes you feel. Say it out loud to see how it lands. Is it heavy, exciting or somewhere in between?
This is where we start.
Do you see Commitment as a CHOICE or a TRAP?
When you see commitment as a choice, you see it for all that it is.
An opportunity to decide to do something. Something that you believe will move you forward towards something you want. That will pay dividends.
You may not feel tingly at the idea of the steps, and yet you know that one CHOICE after another is what is going to make a difference. The difference between getting what you want and not.
Commitment to set the alarm clock early, put my running shoes on and get out in the frosty dark mornings is an example.
Would I prefer to stay warm and cosy? You bet. Yet I know, EVERY TIME I run, I feel better.
Never in the first 10 minutes when I’m blowing out of my….
Then I feel the fresh air on my face, I see the sun waking up on the horizon.
Every day I recommit is another day of helping my body become stronger. I FEEL good about myself.
Which brings me to those of us who see commitment differently.
Like a trap. Something forced upon us. Because we ‘should’.
Our Crazy Lady loves this scenario.
It allows her to go wild.
Reminding us of all the times we said we were going to do something and DIDN’T.
Mocking us for believing that this time could be different.
Pointing out all the things we could do BEFORE we do this, giving us the fast-track to PROCRASTINATION LAND
We end up TOTALLY drained of energy before we even start.
Then she gets the big guns out, reminding us why we are a BAD PERSON because we can’t do anything we say we will. Suddenly we’ve become a dreadful human being.
Get. Me. Off. This. Bus.
No wonder you’re struggling.
Here’s 9 ways you can make this WAY EASIER.
IT’S A CHOICE – DO I EVEN WANT THIS?
Now we see commitment as a CHOICE, let’s give ourselves full permission to make the one we WANT to make. Drop all the musts and shoulds. And other people’s opinions.
They aren’t the one setting that alarm. You are.
Ask yourself the question – DO I WANT TO DO THIS?
If you’re not sure – write down everything you want that this choice will help you with.
Find the joy. The feel-good factor. What will it bring into your life?
Like to visualise? Great. Imagine you’re already all in, reaping the benefits of showing up consistently.
Get yourself in a position where even thinking about this choice has you fired up.
If you’re not even 3 out of 10 no matter how much you stare at this, let it go.
You’re not going to do it. Fact. That’s not to say you won’t ever. Just right now you won’t.
No bad person syndrome required. Simply a choice made.
Move on. (You need your energy for all the things you are CHOOSING TO DO).
CREATE COMMITMENT TO WHAT YOU WANT – NOT WHAT YOU DON’T
It’s so easy to look at what we don’t want; these thighs, this relationship, this job.
Getting clear on what we DO want is critical in making commitment easy.
Committing to what you want creates a magnetic force that PULLS you towards it. The decision to choose for something even more POSITIVE in your life gives you a different resolve to go for it.
A direction. THIS WAY to whatever YOU choose. Every step we commit is a step forwards.
We drop the language and heaviness of where we’ve been and stay laser focussed on where we are NOW going. Lining everything up.
“I don’t want to feel like this anymore” becomes “I want to have freedom and peace in my life”.
COMMIT TO THIS MOMENT – JUST THIS ONE
Commitment can feel like a huge decision that you must live with forever.
Those thoughts can make the heaviness can appear. The obligation, the duty.
You have no idea what is going to happen in any single day. Yet you’re carrying a commitment to do this thing FOREVER.
Try this instead; commit to being your best self, MOMENT TO MOMENT.
Commit to that choice consistently, everything changes.
Commit to showing up NOW and make it no bigger than that.
Giving up chocolate forever? OOF. Decide you’re giving it up now.
You can do that NOW. Make it easy!
And remember, when the choice comes up again, commit all over again.
IS IT NOW?
Timing and context are significant factors in commitment.
You can know you REALLY want to do something and equally if you slow down, you can really know the time is not now.
Danielle and I are laughing. We’re on the Elf diet right now.
You know, the one where every meal is from the four sugar groups…
Do we know that at some point we will make a commitment to a different choice? Totally.
Right now, would we be committed to that choice? Nope.
Plenty of reasons why and none matter. We’re not even bothering pretending.
We’re not in it right now. Dropped.
MAKE IT EASY!
Often when we are making a commitment we think we must go BIG for it to make a difference.
Studies show that often it’s the SIZE of what we commit to that unravels us. We make it so hard to succeed, we become disheartened and give up. Boom. Bust.
Get clear on what’s the smallest step you can take right now that would move you towards your goal. Just 1.
Feels doable, right? Great. Do that.
Now what’s the next step you can commit to?
Example; “I’m going to eat healthy food and cook a new recipe every week for a whole year.”
Try this; I’m going to do it this week.
Do that and go again.
Or having done that, simply decide it’s every other week. You’ll still be making 26 new tasty meals. Yum…
TAKE A TINY STEP. AND THEN ANOTHER.
Now let’s build on easy. What’s the smallest step you can take CONSISTENTLY that would move you towards your goal?
We call these 1+1 steps.
They are so much fun because you’re building in EASY and COMMITMENT.
Decide one step you can take and then keep repeating it.
Those small powerful steps done consistently will have a greater impact than a sporadic burst.
Decide you are going to get fresh air. And do it. EVERY DAY. This creates a deeper level of commitment to yourself. You start to prime your mind and body to crave air and movement.
It’s so powerful, soon you will notice if you haven’t done it. Something feels off.
You don’t even need to call it exercise – sometimes just dropping a label changes your relationship with it too.
Doing one small step consistently makes you FEEL different. You start to see that you CAN commit and pull it off. Go you! From that place, you become even more inspired.
Small 1+1+1 powerful steps = big change.
SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS.
Think about timing and your energy levels.
What gives me the very best chance of meeting this commitment?
Take the gym – when is the best TIME for you to go?
Morning person? Get your kit out and put it next to your bed. Roll out and wriggle into that lycra.
Go early, get it done. Otherwise you’re relying on will power…and that’s a whole different ballgame.
If you’re a slow burner and peak in the evenings, book your classes in and enjoy.
Give yourself the best chance of making this work.
WHO DO YOU NEED TO INVOLVE?
It’s proven that when we share a commitment we are more effective in honouring it.
Here’s three types of commitment:
SELF – Our “self” commitment allows us to decide “nah not tonight” without any repercussions.
WITNESSED – When we speak it out loud to others, we are making ourselves more accountable. Someone is likely to come back and say “how are you getting on with…?”.
Putting it out there keeps us on track.
ENTANGLED – Even better is an entangled commitment that actively involves someone else. So when you say, “I’ll meet you at the gym”, you know that if you don’t go your friend is Billy No Mates.
Choosing a partner that’s all “in it” too is key. Otherwise you’re both giving each other permission to not be true to your words.
Whenever you make a commitment, get clear – who will give me an even better chance of succeeding?
FORGIVE AND RECOMMIT – OUR FAVOURITE
There are moments when life goes awry. When we know it’s not in us, despite our best intentions. In that moment, there are TWO stages:
You are human. We lead busy lives and our best looks different at different times. (That’s why it’s exhausting trying to live up to perfect).
What about the days you didn’t sleep well or have flu?
No matter how hard you try, you can’t function the same.
That doesn’t mean your commitment changes.
Just what you can do.
You said you’d go to the gym 5 days a week and only made 3?
Don’t spend a nano-second berating yourself. Let it go.
By doing this and staying in THIS moment you are giving yourself the best chance to recommit.
Before you dive back in with the same commitment, super charge this step.
Ask yourself “what am I committing to NOW?”
You might find you have new insight from your original commitment.
5 gym trips a week isn’t doable. 3 times plus a 15 minute daily dog walk is.
New commitment = exercise 5 days, inside or out.
Checking before you go again, refreshes it all. Gives you even more gusto.
Or you might find you simply want to press the reset button. Boom! Do that. Then go ALL IN.
9 top tips for you to play with.
And behind all of them, a powerful woman doing the best she can with where she is right now.
However it looks.